Fuck Me.

I suck hard. real hard.

I have been ignoring my blog as of late because I have better things to do.
I have more important things to do than wasting time on you.
I could be meeting drunks in elevators.
After a quick stop at Duke's Cafe and a drug deal in the park, I might be able to fit you in.


fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

Last night I was writing about you, I know my screaming and shouting won't keep you

have bailey and harper fallen in a black hole? yes.

but not to worry, we are still the sex and drunk.

so sorry we've been M.I.A. for what seems like an eternity, we have lives, unlike you.

but, lets get back on track.

firsttt off. why are you and i so obsessed with Tila Tequila, and why do we continue to watch the reruns as if we haven't seen them 400 times over? maybe because the gay/lesbian/boy/girl of the week is danni and if you get her sex right you win a prize.



hmm i guessss man.

happy thanksgiving. i hope your day is filled with fat, mashed potatoes, tofurkey, and extensive weight gain.

and for pete's sake. take the hills off the air. the acting has become waaay to intense for me and can't handle that they are bringing new pretend characters in to try and kick laruren's ass. shit, i will kick her ass for free. and while im at it, i'll kill audrina.

favorite hooker of the day:



scarlett you are a bitch

look of the day:


ms armstrong. your hair gives us all a boner.


twas the night before black friday and everyone working in retail was planning a suicide

<3

When the rain starts falling gonna drown before we get our feet wet

so. today's theme is all about helping those around you and stop focusing on how lame you are. besides, you need new clothes anyway the ones you're wearing now are ugly.



instead of drugs or cutting your wrists you can be addicted to love.

so to write love on her arms has a new tshirt out and you should want it more than i do because it's the shit. not only does it have the color of haley from paramore's hair in it but it has emo lyrics on the back so you will fit right in with the scenesters.

and. all the money goes to help teens with depression. self afflicting wounds. and suicide.



and if you're a boy you can get this one. (only if yellow is your color of course)


..and to top the outfit off you need these Tom's shoes.

not only are they rad, but when you buy a pair a kid in africa gets a pair. and think about how LEGIT they'll be with skinny jeans. hot damn.

on a lighter note.

shoester. i saw you today and i apologize for pre-judging your new do. the shaved head makes you more everyone's type. the only thing i would work on is the attitude. no one likes a cranky nordies shoe salesman!

and if there is one more fight on Tila Tequila i swear on everything i will take a bat to the MTV studios.

Mature hottie that i want to be in 15 years.

thank you private practice for making a 40 yr old look hotter than me.

you are in luck because today you get 2 looks of the day

being in a relationship where tattoos and matching tees are involved


going to a show and getting an std from one of these boys.


xmas is right around the corner assholes expect a list and you have to bring a minimum of 3 gifts to our apartment.

START SAVING!
<3

I feel myself slowing down. Feel myself turning around

Crazy Time!

Well you special little people it is time for a new beginning. You are never going to believe but Harper and myself are moving to the big city!




Miss us yet??? I thought so.

But do not worry your little heart we will keep you updated on every little or big thing that comes our way.

By the way Nordstrom Nerd it is time to dump your plain jane girlfriend and start dating cute hipster girls.


FYI: In a few short weeks my bed will be open and ready for business...




Look of the day.




Remember the good ol' days.

hold your own jacket please, i'm not in the mood

shoester. next time you decide to shave your head please feel free to ask around if that is the best decision for your face.
all im saying is i would like to be able to recognize you in that sexual suit and not be starting at a "stranger".
next time.
thanks.

because you were drunk all week celebrating all hallows eve, you bought britney's album and bought her yet another mercedes.



good goin.

trend for the month that you can't even pretend to afford.




pucci square bangles. de.fucking.licious.


look of the day:

being under the age of 25 and being from the disney channel and making more money than half of the u.s. and having some sense of style at the same time..

nordstrom nerd. WTF. how are we supposed to make meaningful connections if you don't show up to work everyday?

new boys entering our lives in the near future:
be prepared to embark on a journey that you've never experienced before in this lifetime. we are the shit, your past, present, and your future.
we love you, and we apologize now for any bruises or pregnancies.


it happens!


love you. times 2

I smell sex.

Hello Hello Hello.


Burned yet?!?! No worries, I am sneezing ash too.

It is time to set things straight...if you are wearing a button down woven from Mervyns you will not win a bar fight. If you are with another guy wearing a matching shirt you will lose that fight and you will lose hard. Lastly, if your girlfriend and/or sister try to stand up for you, you deserve to get your ass kicked.


It is time to get paid and spend all of my money on winter accessories.

My model style inspiration.





My classic style inspiration.



What I want to be when I grow up.



Nordstrom Nerd it is time I confess my true feelings:
I want to use you for your body
I want to use you for your discount
I want to use you and never talk to you again


love love

You opened up into my arms and we laughed as I held you I'll never go back to Georgia Not at least till I have to

A. FUCKING. MEN

the world is on fire and we are going to talk about everything except for it.


what happened to christina aguilera? i miss her whore like tactics of talking about her "hidden" piercings and how nasty and naughty her vagina is.

come back to us xtina and filll our ears with that magical sound we love.

so nordstrom nerd. this is my last attempt to bring you to life. we heart your style and tats. get naked.

look of the day:
sexy brit pre drugs, shaved head, kids, kfed and gimme more.


more later. my creative juices aren't flowing fast enough


lovin you

I can't read your smile It should be written on your face I'm piecing it together There's something out of place

vintage. in the morning, afternoon, and night.
i feel like all i need to do is show these pictures of how rad these chicks are and you will fall in love. vintage is so random and unecessary and you should all hate yourselves for shopping anywhere but vintage shops.









i know put your boner back in your adidas track pants.

just in case you were curious we are having an open call for any boys who look like this: we are tired of you acting shy, we don't bite come have a drink with us



and nordstrom nerd. if you are reading this. come over for a sleepover we promise we will behave, and if you don't come, we will come to you.

hero of the day:


look of the day:


rock that one piece bitch.

So cheap and juicy.

Say Goodbye to summer and Hello to Columbus Day.
Yes it is that time of the year again.
It is time for hats and boots.

It is time to vent...
Who the fuck goes to raves..i mean come on!
How white trash can a person get??
I'm embarrassed for people I do not even know.
I hate all of you there and refuse to acknowledge ravers.
Just the word alone is lame.



And since I am on this rant....
People who drink and drive with other people in the car.
I am the first to admit that there have been a few times I drove when it was not the best idea, but never with a friend in the car. Yes, I realize there are other people on the road, but I would never but someone in the car with me.
Do you want to be the one responsible for killing your friend because you are too stupid to call a cab??

I feel a little better but not completely.


So, I know Harper and I do not always talk about ourselves, but it is only because we do not want to make you feel bad about your own lives.
But I am too excited to keep this news a secret...Harper will be in the NYC all this week filming a small part in the major motion picture, now I am not supposed to tell which one, but Miss Bradshaw is looking over her!

and as for myself, if I were you I would keep a close eye on the new W Magazine...


Today is October 5, 2007 and the look of the day is.







being better than everyone else.


xoxo
B.

bring the buckets by the dozens bring your nieces and your cousins come put out the fire on us

as summer comes to an end. fall is sneaking up on you like an std

the leaves are turning colors and you will try to rock a winter coat in 85 degree weather and have pit stains and you will be the shit.

first, lets have a moment of silence for Brit Spears, she lost custody of her offspring....


k thats enough.







working in retail is equivalent to working for waste management as a trashman, you both shovel shit all day for fun


and ladies and gents just because fall shows are back doesn't mean your summer habits of drinking, making a scene in public, binge eating, throwing up in public and wearing dresses with nothing underneath should stop. keep that shit swinging

accessory of the day:
hip, headbands and bitches


look of the day:
being pale as hell and looking dank, thank you evan rachel wood for being a slut


have a good night and put in your baby one more time cd in honor of britney.

it's bailey and harper bitch

I Thought I Would Care More, But I Guess I Don't

soooo i was wondering...what is your name? and would you like to get naked with me?

Those will be the words out of my mouth the next time I see him. I saw him with an ugly girl, but that will not stop next me time. Alex M. has nothing on this boy. I will find him and take advantage of him, but until I do, he will only be known as Taco. Taco I heart you.


What's Hot:
casual sex
stalking celebs
being fake
giving blow jobs
forgetting to shower
beer and cupcakes
bags under your eyes because you have been coked out for three days
daisies

What's Not:
virgins
email
ferris wheels
eBay
olive garden's never ending pasta bowl
Wednesdays


I Love You!
B.

Hunger hurts, but starving works, when it costs too much to love

ahem. be quiet and focus on this.

today was long. not enough caffeine in my day. i need coffee like a cocaine addict if i don't have it i go into convulsions and die.
i had the pleasure of seeing a red head today wearing purple suede boots and i've decided if you don't own a pair of suede boots you are no longer allowed to live.

dirtbags, for winter times you must be wearing some type of leather boot it's time to take after the whores and tuck your pants in a pair of boots, and although you may get some weird looks, at least you know in your heart that you are the only one getting laid tonight.


start smoking, it's good for your heart and social life.


you need a winter coat to go along with this cigarette. preferably one with a loud print that will make everyone want to punch you in the throat.


for once in our lives, nicole richie weighs more than us, and i am savoring every minute of it. and ladies take notes, just because you are pregnant doesn't mean you have to look like a slob. put a scarf on. thanks.


the look of the day:
my type not talking, and flying in the air. i'll take two please

It's time to waste.

I'm hungry.
But eating would go against my eating disorder.
So I sit here stuck in the predicament about food.
To ear or not to eat.
That is my question.


xox

I'm the definition of, half man, half drugs Ask the clubs, Bad Boy - that's whassup

hey hey hey.

So summer time is over and you know what that means!!! pants are mandatory. It will no longer be acceptable for you or your mom to leave the house without your pants. You look like a whore and I haven't had the heart to tell you and please stop thinking that leggings are pants. Start thinking of leggings as an extension of your under-garments. I assume you do not walk around in a bra...well you probably do. A short dress with your vagay-gay hanging out is not and will never be OK. Just because you are tall it does not mean you are pretty. perhaps you could use a new chin or even a new nose.


Not Okay:







Today is September 21, 2007 and the look of the day is.






love yourself no matter what.

My Contacts Are Blurry, My Head Is Tired And I Can't Fall Asleep

Thank you Paul Frank for employing cute boys in striped sweaters. I am sad to say I no longer have time to breath and I have a feeling nothing is going to change any time soon.


I am happy to let everyone know that I am newly single!! I finally found a way to let the boy down easy...just change your number. He acted like dating for a year makes things serious..if a boy only new what a fling was!


My eyes are itching, I think I am allergic to you.



There is this boy and I keep forgetting to tell him that he is ugly.


Today is September 18, 2007 and the look of the day is.




Having sex with this boy...


peace
love

I'll be the one who'll break my heart I'll end it though you started it

good evening assholes.


i don't know about you, but i'm tired as hell. friends, family, and having job is enough to make me start heavily using meth.

ive decided to only surround myself with people who look like this:


hmm?

obsession of the day: i would seriously go to jail and not even think twice about it





um. tomorrow is day one of our diet and i know you are just as excited as we are except you are most excited. our goal is to be 90 pounds by christmas. cocaine brownies and cigs for all.
for those of you that read this on a daily basis you should comment this shit it's not free.


<3<3

It's not over, not over, not over, not over yet You still want me, don't you

Dearest Harper,
I am lost without you. Thank you for being the best sister I could ask for. I know you will always look out for me, and shank anyone who tries to mess with your little sister. I feel sorry for everyone who is not us because we are the poop. As our hero Ms. Banks would say "We are the baddest bitches in town."

Likes:
Boys who can make up their fucking minds
v-necks
clean toe nails
high waisted skirts
doctors
fish tanks
dirty hair


Dislikes:
blondes
whores
sixteen year olds
socks
body odor
sweatshirts


Today is September 13, 2007 and the look of the day is.






To Legit To Quit.


xoxxx

Tell your boyfriend next time he's around to buy his own weed and don't wear my shit down

voice of an angel.

it's back to school time bitches pack your pencil box full of condoms.It's weird cause Harper and Bailey are so smart that we don't need school. I know, stop staring.

this school year is all about not going to class, spending money, getting drunk, not wearing makeup, sleeping on the street, watching porn, eating coldstone, stalking shoester and pooping.

while you assholes are getting a much needed education we will be being fabulous in whatever city we happen to wake up in.

first things first. why does angelina's adopted child have a nicer purse than me?


girls, the fashions for back to school include:
dresses with no underwear
non matching shoes
cheezy jewelry
amy winehouse eyeliner
leggings but no shirt
see through shirts with bras
tube tops
piercings
religious bracelets
not shaving your legs

boys yours is simple, yet effective:
vans
v-necks
tattoos
cardigans
no body hair

simple.

power couple of the hour that no one cares about:


the look of the day; getting pregnant by jett jackson is in season


well. enjoy your fall season and fashions and try not to die from heat stroke.
and if you act a fool brit will shank you in your garage


<3


p.s. oh no you didnt