Because I can't stop messin' with the danger zone

ok, it is time.

If you a wearing any of the following please come nowhere near me.

• denim cut offs
• denim mini
• ugg boots
• bathing suit, and nothing else
• A&F jeans
• jeans that are too short for you
• cropped top
• bathing suit with heels
• no pants
• mini dress
• heels with boot cut jeans
• cargo Capri
  
• pig tails
• claw hair clip

It seems there is one place that attracts all of the above in mass quantities.


That's right Huntington Beach
The worst place on Earth.

I do not understand what the fuck you whores are thinking
and how you think that looks good, but it does not
You are a whore and you have HPV.


Keep spreading your legs....just like your mom!



hero of the month?



twins?




I would hump and dump them both.



Hate
Love

tell me it's real, this feeling that i feel. tell me that it's real....tuh-ryy it's all we have to do, it's up to me and you....

Hello bitches. This is Bailey and Harper's cousin, THE Holiday Montgomery. I have been given the great privilege of guest blogger. But first, I wanted to introduce myself to you with a little survey:

1) Full name: Holiday Scout Montgomery

2) Favorite drink: sweet southern ice tea. And vodka, lots and lots of vodka.

3) Favorite hobby: making fun of retards in class with my cousins Bailey and Harper and teachers with bedazzled vests. You teach at fashion school...fucking look like it.

So that's pretty much it. Oh, and I love cupcakes. And cookies. And Mrs. Field's cookie cups.

A note to the blonde bitches in the next department: SHUT UP!!! You are annoying me! Stop talking so loud. And leave. There are six of you, and one of you has hair like Betsey Johnson. You are fugly, and you dress like what you think is "LA style." I find it unbelievably funny how intelligent you think you sound right now. And I know you're thinking the reason everyone's looking at you is because you're so hot. But you're so wrong. It's just because we can't believe this is actually happening. Like a car accident. And if you come into my department I'll be forced to kill you. I hope to God you're tourists because the thought of you living in my city makes me want to vomit.

Okay so that's it for now. Hope you love it. I know I will tuh-ryyy to.

maybe i was too fat maybe you had better, better luck in the sack

hola.

i graduated from level 1 traffic school this week. please hold your applause until the end.

i learned more in those 8 hours than i have my whole life.

i learned about:

angry history teachers

liberace time

people who drive with guns

rockabilly

david boreanaz 

DUI

DWD yes driving while drowsy

and what outfit to wear while trying to flirt with a cop to get out of a ticket

they'll fall for it every time

i want to thank the 2 men in my class for attempting to kick Tony's ass - a guy who was driving 120 mph with his wife and 2 year old daughter in the car.

good goin tool bag.

you've won the worst father of the year award.

it's time to get serious MFers.

the job search starts tonight.

i am trying to narrow it down, these are the final choices for careers:

professional dancer

passion for fashion designer

street dancer

top chef host

patrick dempsey's babys momma.

i'm leaning toward the last one. he has a big wiener so it's a good career move

look here:

being covered and wearing a bronze like bathing suit 

love:

mmbop & africa

um

please don't do that cause you're a big fat faker.

we are cranky. our brains are full of open to buys and jamba juice. all you boys need to come over, massage us, feed us and then rub our backs. and don't speak the whole time.

love you!

Roll kid, rock your body off!

Is it possible for your legs to just fall off?

Like one day you go to get up but your top half detaches from your bottom half.
You would be fucked.



Three more weeks, suckas.


b-word





DUI checkpoint?
Fuck No

Insurance Checkpoint.
Thats how shit goes down in the barrio.


or




you better check yo self before you reck yo self.

Your hair, your eyes, your old Levi's

first it starts out like this






and then it ends like this





alll i wanna do.

is read in a library with B with classical music playing in the background.


sleep is that you?

I feel positively filthy standing next to you.

I have no life.
My life is
Japan
Trader Joe's
Vegan Food
Pinkberry
Open to Buys


I quit.


NO! not that this...


its a dangerous game...doing two things at once.



One day it will all be mine.


Questions!
Why does anything think it is ok to challenge your teacher to a battle in the alley?
Seriously?? Look teacher! If you don't get my shit right I will fight you on the patio!

I hope you know what a dumb shit you are!


As many of you know, my penthouse apartment has a view of the park.
(all the wieners know what I am talking about)
Well in the this park is Mr.Big Tree. I love this tree of mine, but I am not the only one. It seems the Mr. Big is a hot spot for drug activities. Its a place where heroin addicts and crack heads alike congregate during the day.

exhibit A: the man who has an office chair without the base. So he pulls the chair up to a couch cushion and Ta-Daa! you have a recliner?

exhibit B: woman laying on blanket on the path...not on the grass? and her main man giving her a back massage for an hour...under the shirt and no she was not wearing a bra.

exhibit C: community bike...each crack head gets a turn to go get their big gulp.

exhibit D: the morning I look at Mr. Big and see a cop car pulled up next to him. No, not on the street because we are no where near the street. PoPo had to kill the grass to give woman(see exhibit B) a ticket. For what you may ask? Well it must have something to do with the drink in paper bag he was pouring out in front of you.

I heart Big Trees.

Look of the day:

bomb.com

Look of 2008:


everybody is doing it!!



I am in the mood for some Holiday.


Buxom
Audacious
Illusionist
Liar
Yes, Please!

I wanna hit you just to see if you'll cry

this whole idea of going to college to get a better "job" is bullshit. all that matters is if you are sleeping with the right people.

i'm sick of reading, i'm sick of learning and i'm sick of



this BIA making the "FASHION INDUSTRY" a joke.

i hate fashion

from now on i will be dressing like this


to me, this outfit says "i am the shit, fuck you. and no you can't get in my pants"

um.

i am going to apologize in advance for the pictures.

we are just SO cute sometimes that I can't help myself
i hope your girlfriend doesn't mind.

haha.


i'm a bitch and i don't even care.

better him than me, that's right better him than me.

FUCK YOU PINKBERRY FUCK YOU JAMBA JUICE.


i'm just glad that we are stressing over projects involving yogurt and juice. i just wanted to make sure that my degree is an Associates Degree in Juice & Yogurt

so. i'm going to formally invite all of you, well not ALL of you. just the ones who are attractive to our official "Last Day of Learning, First Day of Freedom" rager. there will be plenty of booze and asians. so come dressed like you have no sense and you have to either bring a gift or $200 cash to get in.
we will be sending out gift lists don't fret.

so far these boys will be attending to gang rape us in the alley closest to our apt.








if you have a wiener, you have a guaranteed in

look:

smoking in church

fav.fallen boyband member:

OBVIOUSLY a.j. because he had an extensive drug and alcohol problem. and i'm pretty sure he was addicted to strippers too.



sweet dreams


& nightmares.

Why?

Do Mexicans walk so slow?










<3

Told you I made dinner plans for you and me and no one else, well i'm done with awkward empty conversation situations

um. remember when a Mexican girl with drawn on eyebrows and purple hair knocked on our door and proceeded to ask for Mary Lou and then when i told her dumbass that there were 2 buildings she then said "shit" and asked to use my bathroom? and remember when i let her?



WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME.

my bad.

and the best part?

when she walked out of the apt we saw the diaper on the top of her low rise jeans.


thank you Mr. Keele. for wearing pants soo tight that your ass and bulging wiener caused the both of us to shake uncontrollably from laughter in the middle of your lecture.

we ALMOST pissed our pants and had to leave the room.

thanks for putting pictures of your vacation trip to Europe in your school power point presentation because it was pointless, but you thought they were fun!

France IS fashion forward.

and to you.

no more SHADY ASS MESSAGES. we fight because you love all the ladies i hang with. if you WEREN'T shady we would be bff.

thats all.

my NEW/OLD favorite game is Fuck, Marry, Kill.
obviously you need to choose 3 candidates and choose which one you would Fuck, Marry, and which you'd kill.

FOR EXAMPLE
your 3 options:






i think we ALL know which one i'd Fuck.



ALL 3 mother fucker.




saucy skank of the day



bomb ass house


paul frank. i will move in and do your laundry FOR FREE




wanna be my boyfriend

check yes or yes.



hahaha.

take a number mother fucker, there are 10 others that want a taste.

love you.