sound byte

Fellas, it's the moment you've been waiting for

2010-08-09T21:44:00.000-07:00

ok. Shit is getting weird. Everyday I show up (after slitting my wrists and covering it up with silly bandz) you are trying harder and harder to be me.

News Flash: You can't be me, bitch.

I hope you know you will one day get all that is coming to you and I sincerely hope it all happens in one day. Why? because I know you don't have the mental stability to survive.

Oh and I made a huge mistake, and yes it's you.

Oops.
B

See you at the crossroads, crossroads, crossroads

2010-04-14T22:45:00.000-07:00

Oh did you hear the news?

You're a CUNT!

and don't you forget it!

So this one time I made everyone I know do everything for me because I realized I was better than everyone else so they had to do it....oh WAIT! That's everyday.

Every day is a good day when you are me....just ask!

My new obsession is shoes so to all my fans...send me shoes, size 7. Pretty please!

loves it~
little B.

Take it back. Oh, take it back

2010-04-12T22:00:00.000-07:00

I feel much more inspired when I pretend to be somebody else.

So let's keep these lies...I mean dreams alive.

I ask myself everyday why do I listen to anything you say, you are fat and ugly. Eww

(I am watching Castle because Tom Bergeron told me to)

Morning

Afternoon

Night

Is it healthy to hate your friends? Like to really,honestly, genuinely dislike the people you spend your time with?
I hope so, otherwise I have a lot of growing to do.

Soul Searching - this drink is for you!

xoxo
gossip B

I keep it fresher than the next bitch.

2009-09-12T18:07:00.000-07:00

I know you are a little far away, but I feel you staring at me none the less...

Back the fuck off.

I understand your need for attention, but lets get real. You will always be alone. Always.

Did I mention that you are old?
You are.

Hey Cougar, what's your facebook status today??

Gettin' drunk at the club with my Girlz!!!

That's what I thought.

I haven't made a list in awhile...topic?

things I hate:
you
sweat
denim shorts
denim mini skirts
bad acting
underaged assholes
sluts
bad style

Looks of the day

beat it,
b.

It's a new dawn, It's a new day

2009-08-23T21:54:00.000-07:00

First night in the Pent House - I feel like Julie Roberts in Pretty Woman

Just because its summer does not mean its ok to wear jean shorts to work. Its never ok to wear jean shorts...anywear, Especially if you are over the age of 28.

king koopa is that you????

look of the day:

yellow submarine!

Skin and bone. Made to leave you.

2009-08-13T20:16:00.000-07:00

I feel my past creeping up...it always does around this time of the year....

It's time to call the moving van! I'm moving on up!

How hard would it be for me to join a biker gang?? I am hoping to become a member of The Breed...they deal meth. That's neat.

I was just wondering how hard it was to answer the fucking phone. If it's ringing and you can see that everyone else is fucking busy answer the phone....we know you aren't working....and thats why you will be getting those nasty little emails everyday until you figure it the fuck out.

Oh look its pink...maybe now you will touch it.

B

I'm dreaming, I'm dreaming....

2009-08-12T20:38:00.000-07:00

I am offically at the point where I can't believe this is my life.....and not in a good way.

How did I end up here??

Should I go back to school and study Forensic Science?? probably....

I also wonder how a large and now way near in-charge woman manages to show up to work in hot pink shorts...it took everything in me not to verbally abuse her....YOUR FAT...is exactly what my verbal outburst would have sounded like....

I was supposed to meet a new friend today....it never happened.

paint your pictures on the wall

2009-03-26T21:22:00.000-07:00

Hey you! Yeah you! And all your other blonde friends. Your fucking ugly.

Really fucking ugly! I'm ashamed to be at the same place as you!
Sharing a patio is making my skin crawl. You laugh like a horse.

Your parents wished they never had you.

That's too bad, your too bad.

Ohhh your done eating? Time to purge? Bothrooms over there!

Bye.

Idiot love will spark the fusion

2009-02-20T21:41:00.000-08:00

i am having second thoughts about us.

maybe we shouldn't do this after all.

I need you to know that you fuck up one time and its over, dude.

I can count on one hand how many seconds you have to prove that your wiener works.....

If this does not work out
I will only have one thing to say

Time to eat!

xoxo

And for you I keep my legs apart, And forget about my tainted heart

2009-02-15T17:20:00.000-08:00

here we go again.

just so you know, if you have a wiener it means you are NOT in charge. The only way you understand anything is by following directions. so that's how it SHALL BE.

um. i wore tights that looked like this to breakfast.

and to the old lady and the ghetto black girl with the too tight pants at Coco's who couldnt keep their eyes off me and my name out of her mouth..here's to you..

ladies wouldnt have to hear that lovely phrase if bitches would stop PLAYING GAMES.

the weather is cold and i am over it. i want to quit my job and lay here forever.

i have started my liquid diet and im crimping my hair

start them young:

today i HEART this:

and i leave you with this ..

"Today I found out that my best friend and I have liked each other for awhile. He said we couldnt be together because of long distance. We live next door to each other."

<3

So let's face it, this was never what you wanted But I know it's fun to pretend

2009-01-26T10:32:00.000-08:00

we're not dead, just on vacation.

There is no beginning to the story.

2008-12-28T11:29:00.000-08:00

Its the end of the year....

and I realized a lot of things have ended this year, such as:

going to school
talking to you
my hatred of children

my social life
living somewhere else
having the best hair stylist in the world
having more than one friend
side bangs

personal hygiene

some new things happened this year too:

i started a fake career in fashion
i reached an all time low in my life... puking on myself while driving on the freeway at 8 am

living in my car
having better style than most
sleeping with more people this year than all previous years combined

regretting nothing i did.... even you

Some standouts of the year:

beat it

b

I've walked these streets, a virtual stage, it seemed to me.

2008-12-16T20:39:00.000-08:00

I have recently realized there is really truly only one thing I need in life

and its you.

My days would be different without you, everything would be different without you.

Words can not express my gratitude for you.

I wish stealing someone else’s internet was easier.
From my desk it always works just fine but, from my bed just 5 feet away it only works sometimes...what the fuck is that. Either let me use it or don't

Ok now that winter is officially here and I can no longer feel any of my phalanges it is time for a lesson

a lesson in FASHION!

Somethings are ok and some things are not.....

Lets begin with ok.

and now it is time for not

Your hair. It's everywhere. Screaming infidelities. And taking its wear.

2008-12-15T15:41:00.000-08:00

HAIR

PLUS

BATTERY ACID

EQUALS

sexy time?

nope.

it equals
a

smelly cat

boys don't like hairy, smelly cats!

so if your vag is any of this things listed above, HANDLE YOUR SHIT.

BOY

GIRL

I'll be your dream, I'll be your wish, I'll be your fantasy

2008-11-29T14:29:00.000-08:00

My Man is in jail.
I don't know what he did to get in there, but i know he is coming up with a plan to get out.

I can't go long with out seeing him. He is my everything.

i will wait for you.

pet peeve of the day,
people with money they do not deserve...if you are going to spend all your money on clothes at least have some fucking style!

You fucking suck at getting dressed in the morning and you are lame.

waste of money and its soo not fair

looks of the day

see its not that hard....

fucking cunt,

you heard it right....

its time for a round of fuck marry kill....

fuck

fuck harder

fuck even harder

than kill them all

xoxoxoxoxox

2008-11-23T23:24:00.000-08:00

ohh well.

its back. and sick. too much food.

the goal for the rest of my life....to fuck this man in the ass.

HARD

Closing time - turn the lights up over every boy and every girl

2008-11-11T21:10:00.000-08:00

ooohh,

Slow burn,

Hi. Bye!

Hello!! Hello! I'm leaving and wanted to say Goodbye!

Hello?? Is anyone there?!

Oh I guess not.
Well I still have to leave. Sorry I missed you.

Will you be home when I get back? ummm Hello!

I know you can hear me....hmmm

Well....see you soon? maybe....

'Cause baby this is only bringing me down

2008-11-09T20:17:00.000-08:00

99 bottles of beer on the wall
99 bottles of beer
Take one down
Pass it around
99 bottles of beer.....

is this what my life has come to?

Im going on a serious getaway that all should be jealous of, but once I get back....Homeless??

This should be interesting.
I might be out of Africa for a while so I won't be much fun and won't have contact with the outside world.

Why are you scaring that poor little bird, it is sick and you are not helping the cause.

It is time to make some serious decision, I am not ready and I probably won't do it.
I do not know if you know this about me, but I am all talk.
Seriously. though...spineless.

Look of the days to come....

And for you I keep my legs apart. And forget about my tainted heart

2008-11-02T09:10:00.000-08:00

I think I need a break from Drinking. Maybe I will start at 6 today instead of 2? That sounds a bit more manageable.

My head hurts.

It must be hard being perfect...
Everyone wants to fuck you, I know would.

Looks of the season:

Alright babies show me what you got.
Please impress yourself and say Fuck You to The Man

Time is being "Im fucking wasted" on ugly clothes. SO get off the couch at your post high school party where everyone graduated 4 years ago, but still hang out with each other and have not met a single new person.

Stretch your legs and tell your true friends to fuck off.

Its almost tuesday....hope for change....no hate.....love B.

Imaging a place where homes are built on frames, And where they plant new bulbs along our graves

2008-10-31T17:19:00.000-07:00

Happy Halloween bitches.

i hope someone attempts to hang you or poison your candy.

so todays topic is: Sleepovers.

we shall see if you are full of shit

Breakfast at Tiffanys?

Nope
Even better Breakfast in the ghetto

look of the day:

getting arrested.

outfit of the day:

i guess well see who shows up to the sleepover?

goodbye.

oh and p.s. leave the gays alone yes on prop 8. they wont spread their gayness to your children don't worry it's not contagious.

No brakes this time

2008-10-26T21:28:00.000-07:00

Ok, so maybe I lied. But you don't deserve the whole truth, yet. Not after that shit fest. I am glad you started to figure things out. It took you long enough.

Like sand through the hour glass....

Market week??
Fuck that shit.
Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No.

I quit my real job, going back to slave work.

I was just wondering if we could get this show on the road. I have waited patiently and now I am ready for my shot.

tick tock tick tock tick tock.

And what if we're married forever? Like the past never happened

2008-10-08T21:31:00.000-07:00

this is all i think & dream about.

this reverse eating disorder where i eat everything in sight is currently taking over my life.

tonights theme: the past.

it seems the past has once again, somehow, weaseled it's way back here. This time though, it's not okay. I just don't get it.
the second you are lonely, you start digging up graves.

not this time bitch.

you are the worst friend ever.

next.

fall is soon approaching which means goodbye to all of these things:

and say hello to:

thanksgiving. are you ready for me?

can't wait

thank you fashion week in paris. the mother fuckers here will never understand

goodnight.

for you who is lonely tonight, I'm pretty sure disneyland is open.

Check your handbook. It's no trick. Take the chapstick. Put it on your lips.

2008-09-26T14:06:00.000-07:00

Um?

It's time! Time to be a big girl!
That is right I got my self a big girl job!

Look at that...all professional.

A professional working girl?
ummm...

maybe not.

Since we are done with school I thought it should be my turn to school you!
Here is a lesson in How To.

How To WEAR PLAID:

How To WEAR SOCKS:

How To POSE:

How To TALK:

How To WEAR A HEEL:

How To WEAR A ONE PIECE:

Alright my little pupils! The quiz will be in just a few short days!

Study Hard.
or at least study something Hard.

thats hard enough for me.

xx. B.

Why did you leave in September thinking that Summer had gone

2008-09-22T21:55:00.000-07:00

so.

hi

now that i am out of school i am trying to keep myself busy by taking up some new hobbies.

spend someone else's money

get pregnant by someone in Day 26

makeout with a stranger

eat, and not give a fuck

dress like this.

oh yeah, and maybe find a job. i'm content with talking shit full time. someone just needs to pay me.

so. quick question. WHAT THE FUCK IS THE POINT OF BREAKING UP IF YOU'RE GONNA TALK EVERYDAY.

just WONDERING

and for future references i don't do well with pity parties.

so move on.

she is the C word anyway.

summertime. fuck you. wintertime. where the fuck have you been

look

i love

brink.

we're moving in 2 months so YOU BOYS need to get your shit together. stand in line, stop pushing, there is enough love to go around.

chubbies and enemics. come relax, take your pants off and

have a lick of our ring pop

<3

Well you must be a girl with shoes like that

2008-09-19T23:06:00.000-07:00

Hey! Old Lady!!!!
Why would come into someones store and talk shit on the price of denim and how you would feel like you were getting a bargain next time you were shopping and Nordstrom! You do not shop at Nordstrom you are wearing denim with an elastic waist band! You are 400 years old...Go back to Palm Springs and get the fuck out of my face.

suck it Grandma.

On a happier note. We have finished furthering our education and in just a few short months everything we have ever learned will be out the window,

goodbye education

hopefully before then we will have all of our ducks in a row.

they know whats up.

I said it once and I will say it again, none of you are good enough for us.

but our beds are stil open for business.

XoX

In my bed, don't be shy, don't be scared

2008-09-18T20:16:00.000-07:00

free at last.

we are now smarter than all of you combined.

Before we take this ride and let it slide

2008-09-14T01:36:00.000-07:00

Thanks for the hug.

I cant wait to see what happens next time.

and then maybe this....

I feel a mad connection with your body.

2008-09-12T20:09:00.000-07:00

Love hate Hate love relationships Are over-rated Over my dead body

2008-09-11T19:51:00.000-07:00

im fucking exhausted. and i don't feel like you really care.

jobs!?

no thanks. i'm good.

my requirements for a job:

seems pretty fucking simple to me.

kissed a girl and i liked it

more later.

after drinks and boys

I'm so stylish So bossy It'd be a shame to say you lost me

2008-09-10T00:21:00.000-07:00

it's almost here ladies and trannies.

our last day of school is approaching and it feels like someone is telling me i never have to have my period again.

hurry up and sign my yearbook with that permanent marker that's bleeding all over your flared jeans

farewell to those we hate in heels & shorts and hello to those who are lucky enough to become full time/real friends. welcome to the best friendship you've ever fucking had.

so. as i reminisce the new theme for the remainder of the year is all things old.
these boys are being called to the front of the class to get their detention

your punishment is dirty time with Ms. Bailey and Ms. Harper. you will be split up according to wiener size

haha. it's not over just yet we will be shitting on your life soon enough.
it's gonna hit you so fast your head shall spin

look like:

you don't give a care with your legs wide open

fav. fallen mousekeeter with a weave

he's

got a dirty mind never know what you're gonna find.

love.

Happy 100!

2008-09-07T12:34:00.000-07:00

Who's that casting. Devious stares. In my direction.

2008-09-04T22:54:00.000-07:00

so someone please tell me how my phone ended up here?

oh thats right i can tell you.

no sleep
lots of school
minimal vintage clothes.
no food
LA
car accidents
nachos
gays
shitty waitress
Irvine
dirty hair

the lack of sleep is getting to me.
my eyes are always itchy and my makeup is falling off.
and my brain is slowing malfunctioning.

hahaha

two bites and you are in the bathroom

excuse me! open door?
no key to pool

shitty mom makes her shady kids beg to be let in the pool because they do not actually live in the complex.

goodnight

chante's got a man at home (gonna go home, and make him some dinner). it hurts me your man's leaving you all alone...

2008-09-03T22:15:00.000-07:00

Hello again. Holiday Montgomery here. Get excited.

So first off, I know this has been posted already by my cousins, but I just wanted to repost it to give you all the full effect of Leo's hotness. I would marry you tomorrow, and even though I hate kids, I promise to give you a son.

Also, I would like to apologize to the car I hit today when delivering a school bag. Don't worr

y, we checked and there was nothing wrong with it. It only looked like this.

I am possibly going to a super badass party tomorrow night, and I will most likely see my old cunty boss there trying to take pictures of "good style." So I have to wear something great, while not looking like I'm trying to hard. Possibly will blend these together:

Devil:

Angels:

And lastly, start watching South Park. It is no doubt the best show on t.v. At least the best cartoon! Watch it if for no other reason you pick up on the references I make all the time. Thank you.

Alright everyone, time to get my beauty sleep. Cupcakes and puggle noses to the beautiful people. Not to the uncool, uglies. I don't have ugly friends. The end.

So save your scissors For someone else's skin My surface is so tough I don't think the blade will dig in

2008-09-02T22:15:00.000-07:00

take that fucking flower out of your hair. it doesn't give your style it attracts wasps.

so look here mother fucker. you absolutely CAN NOT break up with a girl and then expect her to sit around and wait for YOU to make up your mind.
that's not how it works.

let me show you how it works.

it starts out like this

the DICK sweet talks you. brings you flowers. tells you that your vagina is his favorite.

next.

you make him your boyfriend

next.

he comes at you with some bullshit. he stops calling. or better yet, starts acting a fool

then the FOOL decides to break up with YOU.

you are momentarily devastated.

but then you realize you look like THIS naked.

and boys start calling cause your myspace status changes to single.

oh how weird. your ex boyfriend calls you. it's cause he's on a timer. the minute you're fine he gets a text message to harass you.

not this time mother fucker.

dry your eyes and buy a stripper.

tomorrow we will be venturing to the lovely city of Echo Park to increase our vintage wardrobe.

you aren't cool enough to come so don't show up.

look of the day:

boner:

leonardo mother fucking dicaprio.

peace. out.

Because I can't stop messin' with the danger zone

2008-08-30T21:28:00.000-07:00

ok, it is time.

If you a wearing any of the following please come nowhere near me.

denim cut offs
denim mini
ugg boots
bathing suit, and nothing else
A&F jeans
jeans that are too short for you
cropped top
bathing suit with heels
no pants
mini dress
heels with boot cut jeans
cargo Capri
pig tails
claw hair clip

It seems there is one place that attracts all of the above in mass quantities.

That's right Huntington Beach
The worst place on Earth.

I do not understand what the fuck you whores are thinking
and how you think that looks good, but it does not
You are a whore and you have HPV.

Keep spreading your legs....just like your mom!

hero of the month?

twins?

I would hump and dump them both.

Hate
Love

tell me it's real, this feeling that i feel. tell me that it's real....tuh-ryy it's all we have to do, it's up to me and you....

2008-08-29T18:49:00.000-07:00

Hello bitches. This is Bailey and Harper's cousin, THE Holiday Montgomery. I have been given the great privilege of guest blogger. But first, I wanted to introduce myself to you with a little survey:

1) Full name: Holiday Scout Montgomery

2) Favorite drink: sweet southern ice tea. And vodka, lots and lots of vodka.

3) Favorite hobby: making fun of retards in class with my cousins Bailey and Harper and teachers with bedazzled vests. You teach at fashion school...fucking look like it.

So that's pretty much it. Oh, and I love cupcakes. And cookies. And Mrs. Field's cookie cups.

A note to the blonde bitches in the next department: SHUT UP!!! You are annoying me! Stop talking so loud. And leave. There are six of you, and one of you has hair like Betsey Johnson. You are fugly, and you dress like what you think is "LA style." I find it unbelievably funny how intelligent you think you sound right now. And I know you're thinking the reason everyone's looking at you is because you're so hot. But you're so wrong. It's just because we can't believe this is actually happening. Like a car accident. And if you come into my department I'll be forced to kill you. I hope to God you're tourists because the thought of you living in my city makes me want to vomit.

Okay so that's it for now. Hope you love it. I know I will tuh-ryyy to.

maybe i was too fat maybe you had better, better luck in the sack

2008-08-29T16:57:00.000-07:00

hola.

i graduated from level 1 traffic school this week. please hold your applause until the end.

i learned more in those 8 hours than i have my whole life.

i learned about:

angry history teachers

liberace time

people who drive with guns

rockabilly

david boreanaz

DUI

DWD yes driving while drowsy

and what outfit to wear while trying to flirt with a cop to get out of a ticket

they'll fall for it every time

i want to thank the 2 men in my class for attempting to kick Tony's ass - a guy who was driving 120 mph with his wife and 2 year old daughter in the car.

good goin tool bag.

you've won the worst father of the year award.

it's time to get serious MFers.

the job search starts tonight.

i am trying to narrow it down, these are the final choices for careers:

professional dancer

passion for fashion designer

street dancer

top chef host

patrick dempsey's babys momma.

i'm leaning toward the last one. he has a big wiener so it's a good career move

look here:

being covered and wearing a bronze like bathing suit

love:

mmbop & africa

please don't do that cause you're a big fat faker.

we are cranky. our brains are full of open to buys and jamba juice. all you boys need to come over, massage us, feed us and then rub our backs. and don't speak the whole time.

love you!

Roll kid, rock your body off!

2008-08-28T22:56:00.000-07:00

Is it possible for your legs to just fall off?

Like one day you go to get up but your top half detaches from your bottom half.
You would be fucked.

Three more weeks, suckas.

b-word

DUI checkpoint?
Fuck No

Insurance Checkpoint.
Thats how shit goes down in the barrio.

or

you better check yo self before you reck yo self.

Your hair, your eyes, your old Levi's

2008-08-27T23:45:00.000-07:00

first it starts out like this

and then it ends like this

alll i wanna do.

is read in a library with B with classical music playing in the background.

sleep is that you?

I feel positively filthy standing next to you.

2008-08-27T22:50:00.000-07:00

I have no life.
My life is
Japan
Trader Joe's
Vegan Food
Pinkberry
Open to Buys

I quit.

NO! not that this...

its a dangerous game...doing two things at once.

One day it will all be mine.

Questions!
Why does anything think it is ok to challenge your teacher to a battle in the alley?
Seriously?? Look teacher! If you don't get my shit right I will fight you on the patio!

I hope you know what a dumb shit you are!

As many of you know, my penthouse apartment has a view of the park.
(all the wieners know what I am talking about)
Well in the this park is Mr.Big Tree. I love this tree of mine, but I am not the only one. It seems the Mr. Big is a hot spot for drug activities. Its a place where heroin addicts and crack heads alike congregate during the day.

exhibit A: the man who has an office chair without the base. So he pulls the chair up to a couch cushion and Ta-Daa! you have a recliner?

exhibit B: woman laying on blanket on the path...not on the grass? and her main man giving her a back massage for an hour...under the shirt and no she was not wearing a bra.

exhibit C: community bike...each crack head gets a turn to go get their big gulp.

exhibit D: the morning I look at Mr. Big and see a cop car pulled up next to him. No, not on the street because we are no where near the street. PoPo had to kill the grass to give woman(see exhibit B) a ticket. For what you may ask? Well it must have something to do with the drink in paper bag he was pouring out in front of you.

I heart Big Trees.

Look of the day:

bomb.com

Look of 2008:

everybody is doing it!!

I am in the mood for some Holiday.

Buxom
Audacious
Illusionist
Liar
Yes, Please!

I wanna hit you just to see if you'll cry

2008-08-26T20:37:00.001-07:00

this whole idea of going to college to get a better "job" is bullshit. all that matters is if you are sleeping with the right people.

i'm sick of reading, i'm sick of learning and i'm sick of

this BIA making the "FASHION INDUSTRY" a joke.

i hate fashion

from now on i will be dressing like this

to me, this outfit says "i am the shit, fuck you. and no you can't get in my pants"

um.

i am going to apologize in advance for the pictures.

we are just SO cute sometimes that I can't help myself
i hope your girlfriend doesn't mind.

haha.

i'm a bitch and i don't even care.

better him than me, that's right better him than me.

FUCK YOU PINKBERRY FUCK YOU JAMBA JUICE.

i'm just glad that we are stressing over projects involving yogurt and juice. i just wanted to make sure that my degree is an Associates Degree in Juice & Yogurt

so. i'm going to formally invite all of you, well not ALL of you. just the ones who are attractive to our official "Last Day of Learning, First Day of Freedom" rager. there will be plenty of booze and asians. so come dressed like you have no sense and you have to either bring a gift or $200 cash to get in.
we will be sending out gift lists don't fret.

so far these boys will be attending to gang rape us in the alley closest to our apt.

if you have a wiener, you have a guaranteed in

look:

smoking in church

fav.fallen boyband member:

OBVIOUSLY a.j. because he had an extensive drug and alcohol problem. and i'm pretty sure he was addicted to strippers too.

sweet dreams

& nightmares.

Why?

2008-08-26T20:37:00.000-07:00

Do Mexicans walk so slow?

<3

Told you I made dinner plans for you and me and no one else, well i'm done with awkward empty conversation situations

2008-08-20T19:26:00.000-07:00

um. remember when a Mexican girl with drawn on eyebrows and purple hair knocked on our door and proceeded to ask for Mary Lou and then when i told her dumbass that there were 2 buildings she then said "shit" and asked to use my bathroom? and remember when i let her?

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME.

my bad.

and the best part?

when she walked out of the apt we saw the diaper on the top of her low rise jeans.

thank you Mr. Keele. for wearing pants soo tight that your ass and bulging wiener caused the both of us to shake uncontrollably from laughter in the middle of your lecture.

we ALMOST pissed our pants and had to leave the room.

thanks for putting pictures of your vacation trip to Europe in your school power point presentation because it was pointless, but you thought they were fun!

France IS fashion forward.

and to you.

no more SHADY ASS MESSAGES. we fight because you love all the ladies i hang with. if you WEREN'T shady we would be bff.

thats all.

my NEW/OLD favorite game is Fuck, Marry, Kill.
obviously you need to choose 3 candidates and choose which one you would Fuck, Marry, and which you'd kill.

FOR EXAMPLE
your 3 options:

i think we ALL know which one i'd Fuck.

ALL 3 mother fucker.

saucy skank of the day

bomb ass house

paul frank. i will move in and do your laundry FOR FREE

wanna be my boyfriend

check yes or yes.

hahaha.

take a number mother fucker, there are 10 others that want a taste.

love you.

Until the day I die. I'll spill my heart for you

2008-08-19T22:54:00.000-07:00

This is the Story Of my Year.
NO, this is Story Of The Year.

4 years ago I accidentally saw Story of The Year live in person and somehow it happened again this past Sunday. I remember Story of The Year being a lame rock band that had cheesy rock songs and cheesy rock ballads...little did I know they would evolve into such a talented hardcore band....huh?

Go Cardinals?

My year so far has been slightly confusing, a little disappointing but mostly predictably.
Ha, sounds like someone I used to know.

I recently participated in an outdoor festival of the arts. Also known as Vans Warped Tour.
After hours in the sun and hours of perspiring and loads of complaining I realized I am to old for shit like that.

My first clue should have been the noticeable absence of my peers. The people engulfing my personal space were like something I have never seen before. Whores, drug addicts, sluts, posers, Gothic, emo, diseased. STDed, disformed, shameless, and so much more....all before they turned 16. I did not know if I should be impressed or concerned for the future.

My main concern of the day was the chronic acne. It was like some people had a horror movie living on their faces. It looked like a village of puss huts were being built right in front of my eyes...right below their eyes. The thought of it make me shudder.

ProActive Warped Tour Summer 2009!

Please God someone help these kids....They are gross.

30 Flirty and Fun

2008-08-18T23:32:00.000-07:00

Since I can remember I have always wanted a choreographed dance sequence at my wedding.
Something along the lines of 13 going on 30 or She's All That

I think it might have all started with She's All That, but now after this I don't know if I can.

maybe it is the transvestite.
maybe not.

Thanks B.

You, you aint got no love today.

2008-08-16T20:07:00.000-07:00

Remember the days when your best friend did not let you down.
Remember the times your sister was your best friend.

These days are still familiar to me because it was just a few days ago.

And then the big let down.
It seems H is always too busy to live up to her end of the bargain.
Is it that hard to drop a line?
Is it really that hard to write a fucking sentence?
or two?

Get your shit together!

And my back begins to tingle

2008-08-13T23:17:00.000-07:00

As of late I had realized that timing is everything.

Today timing almost took my life.
It was an outer body experience that I did not think was possible.
I watched my life flash before my eyes...it was like watching it on a movie screen.

It went a little something like this...

So that is what I see my life being...now that I know I wont die on the streets of LA today, almost.

Another way time was on my side today.

Well as I made my way through the Bellagio Hotel in Glendale
My eyes started to dance with excitement when I realized I was starring at the world famous SoReal Cru and Super Cr3w.
I was so star struck I almost lost control of all my bodily functions!!

EXPLOSION!

Who are you voting for?

One thing I have a problem with.
Girls if you are going to go to school, a place where homework is assigned along with group projects, please be willing to do the work. I myself am always ready to do my shit and do it right, but I know you fucking whores with your drug purses are just there to fuck other people over...do it again and see what happens.

I heard Dorothy Petrillo Zbornak can smell drugs from a mile a way.

whats in there?!?!

If it smells like a crack pipe, looks like a crack pipe, and works like a crack pripe

Below me was a homeless man.

2008-08-11T23:48:00.000-07:00

Hey. Whats up?

Its that time of the year again!
Sign Ups!

Who wants to be on my team??
Don't all yell at once....my bed is big enough for everyone!

Well as we all know when one door closes, you start having sex with a stranger.

Let the games begin?

Speaking of games...Olympics....thank you for entertaining the masses and proving to everyone that maybe our President is a giant douche bag...but we can still swim fast.

Phelps for President!

Requirements for next President:
at least 2 illegitimate children
a past drug addiction
some type of physical disability
a passion for fashion
under the age of 59
vegan
at least one bullet still in his body
botox
know how to sew
have his own reality show
former gymnast

One more thing....
I am looking for a job or someone who wants to send me checks in the mail every week.

Dad?

love

Did you know when you go it's the perfect ending To the bad day I'd gotten used to spending

2008-08-10T18:47:00.000-07:00

who wants to do be our new boyfriends?

not only will we make out with you in public but you can even tell all your friends that we put out..

cause we do!

Don't tell me that you didn't try and check out my bum. Cause I know that you did. Cause your friend told me that you liked it.

2008-08-10T11:05:00.000-07:00

Everything I wanted to say to you....and more

I have so much to say to you and its going to be hard with my back turned on you.

So, its officially over? It feels weirder than it sounds.
I am glad it happened this way. I deserve way more than you currently have.

It is funny how things work out this way. I thought this was over last year, well I knew it wasn't over last year. I did a really good job of convincing myself it was and I was fine with that.

I think you have a timer that every time I am ok without you it goes off and then you have to call or text to make sure I never get a break from thinking about you.

I don't think this is what you wanted, but its what we both get.

I just took a 2 hour break....and now I am drunk.

Thank You bottomless Mimosas.
Now maybe I can be honest.

You fucked up and missed the best chance you will ever have.
I know most might not believe it, but I am the best thing you will ever have a chance at having and you fucked up so hard its beyond funny.
Most people should feel sorry for you.
You say you knew what you wanted, but you could not go after it?
Even when you knew it was a sure thing?! what the fuck is wrong with you?
It was so easy!

All I want to do is scream, but my frustrations need so much more than that.
Like a boxing ring or a shooting range.
It did not have to be like this and you being the person you are had to fuck shit up....as usual.

Fucking Coward?

As much as it hurts.

Goodbye......

and a special thanks to the only person's whose dance moves who could make things a little easier.

This is for you.

B

Nobody's gonna come and save you, We pulled too many false alarms.

2008-08-08T21:49:00.000-07:00

i fucking hate you.

you play mind games and i am no longer allowing you in my presence or my life.

We're dancing to the music that ended long ago, You've done everything that you can do

2008-08-07T18:16:00.000-07:00

i hate playing phone tag.

so answer your fucking phone when i call, EVERY TIME.

thanks dick.

okay. i'm glad we settled our differences and i have closure. so if you do or don't call tonight i am unaffected.
collectively, we hate you and I think we're officially retiring from this unhealthy relationship. it's toxic for all.

but.

on the bright side we are working on strenghtening OUR relationship without you.
first order of business.
ladies night with caffeine and shit talking.

2nd - thanks mom ahead of time for supporting my passion for fashion

3rd.

tomorrow night mother fuckers. if you will be in the area that we end up in.
i congratulate you for being in the presence of angels

for those of you who sleep in the park by our apartment. thanks for singing/screaming at 6 am. we couldn't wake up without you.

to the man who listens to korn/beats his g.f. and holds her hostage..

watch your back a-hole. or maybe your front, you may want to protect your wiener

to the big timers, (you know who you are)
we will NOT see you tomorrow because you have become "too cool" and we will see you when we see you.

take a stand against:

having a job

style:

i am raping this man, in a field, in public, on august 17

dont worry i'll take pictures.

i will start cutting bitches if i need to.

bye.

Straight up now tell me. Do you really want to love me forever oh oh oh

2008-08-06T22:50:00.000-07:00

Dana?

sweet bike.

Cons:
her
you
you hate it here
your job
attitude
disappearing act
late night bullshit
drunken texts

Pros:

exactly.

I'd wish you'd disappear

It is time to get serious
School is coming to an end
and Real Life is going to take over and bring Fun Life to an end
I'm not ready...I still need more lessons in cutting and pasting

These were the days:

Now it is time for a very special thanks...Thank You Lifetime for making it possible to get anything done during the day because you have such amazing programming.

Lifetime Movies = A lifetime of fun

boop

What kind of fuckery are we? Nowadays you don't mean dick to me

2008-08-05T22:03:00.000-07:00

beep beep.

you are really trying to get permanently banned aren't you? you're in luck because i'm going to give you one last opportunity to have a heart to heart with me.

fuck you. our apartment is fun and you will no longer be aloud to have sexcapades here anymore.

todays theme: fraternization

i am a fan. sometimes i just wanna play footsie or grace my foot over your wiener while i'm helping customers. or maybe i wanna rub my padded bra on your arm while your on the phone. i think i should at least have the option.

and if i get pregnant blame yourself.

D. really? no response? we're playing the distant daddy game again i see

to all of you who went to the fair. i hope you gained 89 pounds and i hope your evenings are filled with diarrhea and acne.

drama. is it possible for you to keep a steady job? maybe you should get tatted and work at Jumbos.

i hear they are permanently hiring and your drama would fit RIGHT in.

and for those of you with the internet boyfriends. seems like a good idea at first. but then all of a sudden he goes from this

to

he doesn't love you. he actually thinks it's funny because he made you fall in love with a photo overnight. he won't meet you because he's a killer.

don't end up in a field cause we're not in the mood to have to give the police your pictures off myspace and then have to search for you in the river, there are just so many other things we could be doing.

man with style

they just don't make boys like this anymore

where have all the cowboys gone?

girl:

a bitch with a healthy appetite. boys wanna have sex with bodies not pretzel sticks

show that mother fucker what your workin with

i got an std from this boy on my hand and i'm okay with it.

move in. we have room.

<3

Where love is not a mystery it's everything

2008-08-04T22:27:00.000-07:00

It is August.

And I am still talking to you.

Big Mistake. BIG. HUGE Mistake!

Speaking of Big things...no not you.

It is time for a lesson in Big Timing.

Few people know how to be a true Big Timer and one of them is you and the other is my dear friend who we shall call Mr. D

In order to be a proper big timer you must:
Roll your pants

eat snacks in the dark

never have cell phone service

Lie to your best friend about your extra curricular activities

I will be expecting you to put these tips to use in the near future which hopefully means I wont be seeing you for a while.

Remember that time you made plans with me. I thought you were drunk and you said I did not trust you and we had to work on it. Well about that, thank you for proving me right. Most people know how I hate being wrong and I am always wrong about you, but not this time! I finally figured you out. You are full of shit.

Late night confession:
I would do anything to have sex with Joshua Jackson....while he wears this scarf

one more thing.
I still like you.

i'm a lady so i must stay classy

2008-08-04T21:09:00.001-07:00

guess. what?

we're wearing this next weekend and you won't get to enjoy it

because you will be here.

in a storm of confusion

it aint my fault

cause i'm the shit.

Ill feel sorry for mistakes we've made, But there's no reason that we should tell her today

2008-08-04T19:10:00.000-07:00

good after night.

thank you, for making sure it took an extra 45 minutes to get home tonight broken street lights.

it's hot.
hotter than it's supposed to be and i'm over it. so to say fuck you mother earth i'm cutting my hair.

the best part is. even with my hair this short, with no makeup on, eating a doughnut i look better than you, your girlfriend, and your best friend.

high five.
look at my elbows.

so. I need to give some thank yous to the men who made our weekend perfect.

1. thank you. 40 year old dad at In N Out for lifting up your all over printed d-bag woven with metallic strips and asking us if we thought you were fat.

we do.

but i'd still hump and dump.

2. thank you. 18 year old with black friend. for asking us if we knew "where any parties were at". first of all. HOW DARE YOU SPEAK to us when you aren't even old enough to stand across the street from the bar.

take your braces and walk away from me

3. thank you ERICKA for being a GIANT lesbian and being so concerned about the sauce on our hamburgers.

HOLLA.

bug bite?

i look like i have syphilis on my hand, no big deal.

to you. don't invite people places and then die.
it's not cool. and you have forgotten that we are in control. don't be surprised when you are awoken in the middle of the night with this

hahaha.

im the HBIC.

what i wanna be when i grow up:

a hot black chick with an afro

bitch on fire:

lil muffin i wanna love:

goodnight!

just let me see your wiener.

Theres broken hearts in basements. And broken love on the streets. You were so fed up of it all always involving me.

2008-08-03T23:32:00.000-07:00

School? Really....

They trick you into thinking you need it.
You don’t
You learn nothing

Well you learn who sucks.

Girls who cant dress themselves
D-bags from Canada
Coke whores
The entire staff

If one more 14 year old whore gets near me I will cut a bitch.
And it will take a while to find her in the field.

I am sorry to say.
I did everything I was not supposed to.
I extended the deadline, but you don't deserve it.
What I should have done...well I still can do it...
but what I really should do is laugh in your face.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.

Thats better.

I wanted to talk to someone about Japan. Why is it that when a couple gets divorced the woman has to wait 6 months to get married, but the man can get married that same day. Oh wait I know why! because she could be pregnant and not know it yet.

It makes since really.
We should just ban marriage all together, it seems to work out for no one.
Bummer.

You wear the dress once. Make it fucking count.

Celebrity Shot:

Cartoon Shot:

Cake Shot:

Boy Shot:

To Do: (For You)
Get your shit together.
Say Goodbye!

To Do: (For Me)
Call Clark
Get Some Sleep
Stop talking to you

Holla.

B

The word's on the streets and it's on the news, I'm not gonna teach him how to dance with you

2008-08-03T14:53:00.000-07:00

hahahahahaaahahaha

you've been deleted.

hurry the FUCK up

I read your letter, the one you left when you broke into my house

2008-08-02T09:44:00.001-07:00

pipe down, i'm sorry i've been busy.

so a lot has happened since we last spoke.. let see where to begin.
in the past couple of days all of this has happened..
1. b&h both got pregnant
2. funnel cake
3. wieners
4. corn dogs
5. paramore
6. late night sex capades
7. fought a bitch
8. wasted
9. fought against sex slaves
10. punched a red head with bad hair in the baby maker
look at how much we have accomplished in the past couple of days while you were pretending to have a job.

um. you are in LOVE.

don't fight it, just let it happen. a weekend rendevouz sounds sexual but i think all of the rendevouz need to remain in orange county. it's safe here.
for those of you who will be joining us tonight. you better look fucking hot because we are wearing matching bikinis with christian louboutin shoes.

ok boys. it's time to get real. you know where to find us, we are always available for parties and functions and we will show up looking better than your friends and girlfriends. so if you wanna hang out. get at us.

look of the morning

theme of the year

romancing behind your girlfriends back

blame yourself. it's not my fault you got hooked on the sauce.

<3

oh and p.s.

if you made a decision.. this could be your future.

I'm walking on needles and pins. My addiction to the worst of him

2008-07-28T23:00:00.000-07:00

My life is going in one of two ways...I have yet to decide which way yet though.

or

Should be interesting.

And a semi alarming side note. The bruise I just discovered on my arm. It don't think it is actually supposed to be there. meh.

So I am glad that we have gotten nowhere and time expiries in 2 short days.
Now we have to make sure I live up to my end of the bargain.

Either way...I am extremely disappointed in you and I get great satisfaction in deleting your phone number, re-saving it and deleting it again.

Soon enough Harper and I will just feel bad for you and be forced to stop talking to you just because it makes us so uncomfortable because you are so far from that.

Quarter Life Crisis...only one thing can fix that.

Now What.

Mood of the day.
Unforgiving.

Person of the day.

Theme of your life.

Theme of my life.

I win. I will always win.

B

You've hit your own wall, now find a way around well what's the problem? you've got a love of nerve

2008-07-26T11:27:00.001-07:00

it's seems that you are reading this which is all we really wanted. the best part is you're 4 days early, and just because you are reading this don't think we're gonna stop being a-holes. You still have a lot to do before the shit talking stops.

anyways.

alcohol you seem to make it happen. anytime there is a little bit of you in our systems the past seems to creep up on us. next time we will just take 8 bottles of wine and split it down the middle.

this theme for this week is hip hop. this includes the style, music, and boys. Bailey and Harper are currently learning the lyrics to Common's "The Light" and then we will perform it for a select group of people.

check it.

um schwayze?! where the fuck have you been all our lives. if bailey and harper were gonna design 2 boys - one black one white this would be it. They are dirty they smell they smoke they drink and they get fucked up on the beach what more do you need in a man?

so due to the fact that bailey and harper went a lil crazy last night we will be laying low tonight. if you wanna make out or get naked you know where to find us... we will be wearing lacy pajamas with fedoras smoking cigs on our balcony.

and to you & you. we have won. solely because you dream of being here with us EVERY FUCKING NIGHT MOTHER FUCKERS.

hahaha. and the best part is we've been in bed every night looking like this while you've been wasting this whole time when you could have been in bed with us..

anyway

style icon of the second

kimora 34 years ago.

person i wanna see naked

an under ager

love

An ending fitting for the start

2008-07-24T18:19:00.000-07:00

I cut you early.

It is time for some fun.
More alcohol
More cigarettes
More dancing
More flirting
More texting

It is time to open for business.
Let the games begin.

are you ready to play?

I recently did a full mind and body cleanse.
I washed you off of me and out of me.
And not a moment to soon.

It will only be a matter of time until you come crawling back.
It will make for a good laugh.

Oh I almost forgot...I am about to become Bi-Coastal.
Well at least a part of me is....

They only reason anyone should wear this outfit is to show off the fact that their thighs don't touch....

thats for you!!

oo
b.

I know you like your stabs, your preemptive attacks but how will you hold your demons down?

2008-07-22T23:09:00.001-07:00

hi.

love is in the air, and it is solely because b and harper are on an all ice cream and coffee diet. Boys like a healthy girl with an appetite.

I can no longer do a countdown to our friendship because you have left me no choice but to completely act as if you've never existed.
Drama PLEASE. RELAX. you're getting all worked up for something that isn't even gonna be that great. we can only make greatness when you're not around.

for those of you who saw heath this weekend congrats on being a part of a pool infested with crazies.

um should b and harper go to warped tour this year? harper is all about it but b on the other hand would rather be trapped in a mexican prison. to warp or not to warp.
lets weigh the good and the bad.
good:
live music
boys
tattoos
dirt
sex
drugs
pizza
diet coke
grass

bad:
ugly bitches
heat

i say fuck you heat. i will be dressed like this so you will be able to pick me out of the crowd

july 30th marks the end of a chapter but the beginning of new relationships with so many new wieners.

look of the day

vintage childhood memory

bitch i wanna fight

goodnight. sweet dreams to all except you.

oh. and p.s. i hope that your bed isn't filled with a pea, but red ants instead

love you!

Hot for a minute, now you just a "remember him"

2008-07-21T22:22:00.000-07:00

Hello. Goodbye.

I am tired.
And I give up on you.
Technically you have a few more days but..
I have no faith in you.

Which means...
I am moving on
Actually it means,I have moved on.

Timing is everything.

Also, I would like to ask people to stop faking drama.
It gets awkward when the food network stars are talking shit on everyone.

Alton Brown doesn't appreciate.

hates:
You!
ugly dogs
chewed gum
losers
AA

Loves:
cheesy music
cheesy pizza
cheesy bread
cheesy boys

Look of the day!

Real Women.

p.s. you will miss me

piece.

Where do i put this fire? This bright red feeling, this tiger lily down my mouth he wants to grow to 20 feet tall

2008-07-20T22:42:00.000-07:00

hahahahahaha.

i'm laughing because boys, for the past couple of weeks you've been acting a fucking fool. b and harper are about to take some bitches out.
please don't talk to us like that, you are disgusting and we've lost all respect for you, and because you've burned one of us, you've burned all of us. congratulations on being A TOOL & a D-Bag.

um. worst place on earth? it attracts crazies. that's all i'm sayin

sometime in the next 2 weeks there will be so much nakedness and we can't wait. A for Adam, i am going to thank you in advance for the sexual party.

FUCK YOU FASHION SCHOOL

um. i didn't sign up for mcdonalds case studys and assigned seating.

i signed up to color and dress weird.

and this weeks theme is NO DRAMA. those of you who are creating it please stop because we are over it and we have much more fun with out you drama
it was nice knowing you

look of the day: perfect Asian babies

outfit:

get your fake glasses mother fuckers. it makes you look like you have lots of good ideas

love

I Set My Own Fires Now

2008-07-19T20:32:00.000-07:00

Almost forgot.

You have 11 days until I delete you out of my life forever.

k?
k.

But she just might save your soul.

2008-07-19T18:56:00.000-07:00

So your bullshit fake attitude is not attractive.
I do not know who you think you are, but whoever it is..your are not.

It is time for change.
I am ready to pick up and leave. Pack my bags and never look back.

I have nothing holding me here and I am free to do what I want.
Your fault..not mine.

I owe you a Thank You for making my decision to move 3000 miles away that much easier.

I am sad to say that Pinkberry gives me stomach ache.
I want to like it, but I can't.

Tonight is the free concert at our favorite cafe. Please come and join us...its not the same without you.

Likes:
1. dancing
2. underage boys
3. vacation
4. food
5. dirty hair
6. casual sex
7. Jonas Brothers
8. Humping and Dumping
9. bulimia
10. blogs
11. wine
12. boots
13. high waisted everything
14. one pieces
15. vintage

Dislikes:
1. decisions
2. significant others
3. wasted time
4. underwear
5. tan lines
6. summer time
7. Miley Cyrus
8. eating
9. party poopers
10. eHarmony.com
11. dead batteries
12. idiots
13. The View
14. commericals
15. crew necks

The Look Of The Day for July 19th is:

being better than you.

xx
b

Secrets Secrets Are No Fun, That's Why I Should Tell You

2008-07-19T18:38:00.000-07:00

I FUCKED your boyfriend

everyone's in my head, but i want you in my bed

2008-07-17T19:01:00.000-07:00

bailey and harper are currently preparing for an all ladies event on friday.

festivities to include:
1. talking about you
2. drinking wine
3. dancing
4. shit talking
5. grabbing asses
6. being awkward
7. shit talking
8. eating
9. shit talking

if you look like this prepare to be a victim of # 1 & 5
bailey's victims:

harpers victim:

and if you decide to show up tomorrow looking like this ladies. PREPARE to get kicked in the throat

im sick of you breezies showing up everywhere with your chest pieces and bullshit highlights.

current mtv obsession:

drug addict of of the day:

favorite outfit of the day:

tomorrow night we will be dressed like tihs. wait for that shit

so. i'm gonna take the time out to give a shout out to lisa and j.bean at the end of the day we are still 10 times more amazing than the both of you combined. we came, we conquered and fucked that shit up.

and.

we aren't done yet bitches.

peace.

I am a good christian boy....on Sundays.

2008-07-16T20:36:00.000-07:00

Hello Hello.

I have so much to say and I am already running out of words.

Maybe I will go in order...

First.
I find it aMAZing how a single person can ruin a whole country for me.
I hope he knows because of him, I hate Canada.
Canadian Hipster???
Or Jim Carey's long lost son?

Asshole.

Second.
Stair Master? or Thigh Master?
They both suck and I am never using stairs again.
I blame all those whore bags in 4 inch heels at school. Thanks to you waiting around the elevator I had to go up the stairs.

Is this really appropriate?

Third.
Buttons! Buttons!
Amazing! Thank You! Thank You!
Nuff Said

Fourth.
Being attracted to a religious figure. Is that ok? Is that sacrilegious?
A boy who looks like Jesus is always a good thing, but dreaming about the boy and his name is Jesus, in the dream...gets awkward.

There are a lot of things I want to do to you.
And then post videos of it on YouTube.

obsession:beards

love.
b.

I'm like a paper bag but the bottoms wet

2008-07-15T22:01:00.000-07:00

happy tuesday.

new obsessions:
hotchip
air condition
not wearing a bra
these scarves, i want one in every color. i will wear it when i ride my effing imaginary bike

sorry dear and the headlights... we'll catch you next time

BACK TO SCHOOL
which means old clothes, old notebooks, old teachers, and reintroducing yourself to the same ass holes that you've gone to school with for 2 years.
it feels like an AA meeting, just without the coffee & doughnuts.
first day of school outfits will go as following:

you know, so all those fools know we mean business.

July is National STOP cock blocking month. we are fully celebrating this weekend with ladies only. we will be drinking wine and listening to Feist & Fiona Apple. If you are attractive and look good in pictures, you should join. If you do show up, plan on getting naked.

Katy Perry I'll fight you for just one night

thank you starbucks for never letting me down you are there when no one else is and continue to provide an addiction that goes beyond drugs.

see you in the A.M.

Do It Now!

2008-07-15T10:02:00.000-07:00

Soooo I am a few hours late...but everything is better later anyways!

I hate Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays.

I love all the other days!

Friday = Dance Party
Saturday = Dance Party
Sunday = Tea Party

It is time to live everyday to its fullest dance potential. It has come to my attention that people do not dance enough.

Dancing is the alcohol.
It is time to drowned your sorrows in Dance

All Day Every Day!

Another thing...stop wasting our time. You know who you are and you know what you did! We have no desire to speak to you, hear from you or think of you! ha.

Its time to get serious kids.

Look of the Day:
July 15th 2008.

poser?

Peace.
B.

I'm writing in the blog, because i'm in your room

2008-07-13T19:41:00.000-07:00

It's a beautiful and exhausting sunday.
note to self - all the boys who have entered and experienced the love that is bailey and harper, the ride was fun but we are moving on to bigger and better.

you had your chances MF-ers and at this point you've lost your opportunity to even be friends with us and that's the worst part because we ARE the reason your life mattered.

k.

sangria, we have started a beautiful friendship and i don't know what i would do without you bitch

POTATO HEAD OR ORANGE HEAD

i can't decide.

thank you fox family for making this hooker-whore do a made for tv movie with AMAZING ACTING SKILLS

look of the day

being able to take j-mac to your prom and get pregnant.

DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT NOW.

hotchip.

In Case You Did Not Know.

2008-06-29T23:41:00.000-07:00

I am no longer capable of making decisions. Apparently neither are you.

Its time to do something about it.

1. Get over it
2. Make up your mind
3. Start talking
4. Watch more A&E
5. Breathe
6. Sleep
7. Go to rehab?
8. Intervention
9. Just do it
10. Be Hip

The countdown begins now and it ends with Paramore and bad decisions.....

The Look Of The Day for June 29th 2008

Dessert of th day

Hogwarts Cake

xo

You are not good enough for me.

2008-06-24T10:54:00.000-07:00

All anyone needs in life is a little magic.

All I need is Harry Potter.

To Do List:
quit my job
get a new job
start eating less
start drinking more
shower more?
shower less?
dress more like a girl
dress less like a boy
stop eating McDonald's
star smoking
marry Lupe Fiasco

k.

i can take you home, if you want to go

2008-06-12T22:58:00.000-07:00

Buenas noches.

um.. school is coming to an end, and summer is once again approaching which means, bathing suits and booze.

don't be the dickwad with the panda on your ass and too much fake tan, with matching scarf.

do - rock a one piece like it's going out of style tomorrow

adele sounds like sex.

k.

so you think you can damce?

2008-05-28T22:03:00.000-07:00

yes. actually I do.

and the dollar bills will never stop coming my way.

rules to live by.

1. never settle
2. brush your teeth
3. shower at least twice a week
4. sleep with as many people as possible
5. get tested
6. never apologize
7. dance like there is no tomorrow
8. if a girl invites you over...go
9. if a boy invites you over...don't go
10. forget your pants
11. get drunk
12. spend other peoples money before you spend your own
13. get naked as much as possible
14. eat meat
15. paint your nails
16. pick up the moves
17. sleep with someone famous and sell it to the tabloids
18. take naked pictures and put them on your blog
19. read blogs
20. talk shit
21. get into at least one fight a year
22. get arrested at least once in your life
23. travel
24. sleep
25. practicing having an eating disorder
26. lie as much as possible
27. never tell the truth
28. flirt with your friends boyfriends
29. make your own money
30. fast forward during commercials

xoxoxoxoxoxox

it's gonna be a close call

2008-04-29T16:31:00.000-07:00

to wear pants, or to not wear pants.

it's weird because for the 21 years that i have been alive it's never been okay to not wear pants out in public but this new fashion phenomena is taking over the world.

and you know what, fuck you cellulite, i'm not wearing pants either.

we are having a dinner party tonight, so if you are attractive and have style you can come, if not, you should prob stay at home and continue playing world of warcraft.

thank you chris brown for giving ladies of all sizes love.

RICHHHHHH

k.

I got a mind if you wanna waste it. I got a man if you wanna fake it. I got someone if you wanna get wasted. I got a place if you wanna.

2008-04-29T16:04:00.000-07:00

worst bloggers ever...

our new official title.
and to think we missed to much. too much
i dont think we have time to catch up.
or do we care to catch up.

its time to look forward. as far forward as what i may eat for dinner?
further? yes
its time to look to tommorrow.

its time to stop talking about 14 year olds posing naked on the internet and making fake music videos.

thank you marc

for being the bomb.com

xoxox

This time it's for real

2008-01-30T09:21:00.000-08:00

Sorry for the long Hiatus, you know how rehab can be. we are coming back full force before you can blink your eyes.

stay tuned more sex on the way.

heart.

Fuck Me.

2007-12-04T19:57:00.000-08:00

I suck hard. real hard.

I have been ignoring my blog as of late because I have better things to do.
I have more important things to do than wasting time on you.
I could be meeting drunks in elevators.
After a quick stop at Duke's Cafe and a drug deal in the park, I might be able to fit you in.

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

Last night I was writing about you, I know my screaming and shouting won't keep you

2007-11-22T18:19:00.000-08:00

have bailey and harper fallen in a black hole? yes.

but not to worry, we are still the sex and drunk.

so sorry we've been M.I.A. for what seems like an eternity, we have lives, unlike you.

but, lets get back on track.

firsttt off. why are you and i so obsessed with Tila Tequila, and why do we continue to watch the reruns as if we haven't seen them 400 times over? maybe because the gay/lesbian/boy/girl of the week is danni and if you get her sex right you win a prize.

hmm i guessss man.

happy thanksgiving. i hope your day is filled with fat, mashed potatoes, tofurkey, and extensive weight gain.

and for pete's sake. take the hills off the air. the acting has become waaay to intense for me and can't handle that they are bringing new pretend characters in to try and kick laruren's ass. shit, i will kick her ass for free. and while im at it, i'll kill audrina.

favorite hooker of the day:

scarlett you are a bitch

look of the day:

ms armstrong. your hair gives us all a boner.

twas the night before black friday and everyone working in retail was planning a suicide

<3

When the rain starts falling gonna drown before we get our feet wet

2007-11-07T21:13:00.000-08:00

so. today's theme is all about helping those around you and stop focusing on how lame you are. besides, you need new clothes anyway the ones you're wearing now are ugly.

instead of drugs or cutting your wrists you can be addicted to love.

so to write love on her arms has a new tshirt out and you should want it more than i do because it's the shit. not only does it have the color of haley from paramore's hair in it but it has emo lyrics on the back so you will fit right in with the scenesters.

and. all the money goes to help teens with depression. self afflicting wounds. and suicide.

and if you're a boy you can get this one. (only if yellow is your color of course)

..and to top the outfit off you need these Tom's shoes.

not only are they rad, but when you buy a pair a kid in africa gets a pair. and think about how LEGIT they'll be with skinny jeans. hot damn.

on a lighter note.

shoester. i saw you today and i apologize for pre-judging your new do. the shaved head makes you more everyone's type. the only thing i would work on is the attitude. no one likes a cranky nordies shoe salesman!

and if there is one more fight on Tila Tequila i swear on everything i will take a bat to the MTV studios.

Mature hottie that i want to be in 15 years.

thank you private practice for making a 40 yr old look hotter than me.

you are in luck because today you get 2 looks of the day

being in a relationship where tattoos and matching tees are involved

going to a show and getting an std from one of these boys.

xmas is right around the corner assholes expect a list and you have to bring a minimum of 3 gifts to our apartment.

START SAVING!
<3

I feel myself slowing down. Feel myself turning around

2007-11-02T14:00:00.000-07:00

Crazy Time!

Well you special little people it is time for a new beginning. You are never going to believe but Harper and myself are moving to the big city!

Miss us yet??? I thought so.

But do not worry your little heart we will keep you updated on every little or big thing that comes our way.

By the way Nordstrom Nerd it is time to dump your plain jane girlfriend and start dating cute hipster girls.

FYI: In a few short weeks my bed will be open and ready for business...

Look of the day.

Remember the good ol' days.

hold your own jacket please, i'm not in the mood

2007-10-31T23:08:00.000-07:00

shoester. next time you decide to shave your head please feel free to ask around if that is the best decision for your face.
all im saying is i would like to be able to recognize you in that sexual suit and not be starting at a "stranger".
next time.
thanks.

because you were drunk all week celebrating all hallows eve, you bought britney's album and bought her yet another mercedes.

good goin.

trend for the month that you can't even pretend to afford.

pucci square bangles. de.fucking.licious.

look of the day:

being under the age of 25 and being from the disney channel and making more money than half of the u.s. and having some sense of style at the same time..

nordstrom nerd. WTF. how are we supposed to make meaningful connections if you don't show up to work everyday?

new boys entering our lives in the near future:
be prepared to embark on a journey that you've never experienced before in this lifetime. we are the shit, your past, present, and your future.
we love you, and we apologize now for any bruises or pregnancies.

it happens!

love you. times 2

I smell sex.

2007-10-24T15:44:00.000-07:00

Hello Hello Hello.

Burned yet?!?! No worries, I am sneezing ash too.

It is time to set things straight...if you are wearing a button down woven from Mervyns you will not win a bar fight. If you are with another guy wearing a matching shirt you will lose that fight and you will lose hard. Lastly, if your girlfriend and/or sister try to stand up for you, you deserve to get your ass kicked.

It is time to get paid and spend all of my money on winter accessories.

My model style inspiration.

My classic style inspiration.

What I want to be when I grow up.

Nordstrom Nerd it is time I confess my true feelings:
I want to use you for your body
I want to use you for your discount
I want to use you and never talk to you again

love love

You opened up into my arms and we laughed as I held you I'll never go back to Georgia Not at least till I have to

2007-10-22T13:46:00.000-07:00

A. FUCKING. MEN

the world is on fire and we are going to talk about everything except for it.

what happened to christina aguilera? i miss her whore like tactics of talking about her "hidden" piercings and how nasty and naughty her vagina is.

come back to us xtina and filll our ears with that magical sound we love.

so nordstrom nerd. this is my last attempt to bring you to life. we heart your style and tats. get naked.

look of the day:
sexy brit pre drugs, shaved head, kids, kfed and gimme more.

more later. my creative juices aren't flowing fast enough

lovin you

I can't read your smile It should be written on your face I'm piecing it together There's something out of place

2007-10-16T23:45:00.000-07:00

vintage. in the morning, afternoon, and night.
i feel like all i need to do is show these pictures of how rad these chicks are and you will fall in love. vintage is so random and unecessary and you should all hate yourselves for shopping anywhere but vintage shops.

i know put your boner back in your adidas track pants.

just in case you were curious we are having an open call for any boys who look like this: we are tired of you acting shy, we don't bite come have a drink with us

and nordstrom nerd. if you are reading this. come over for a sleepover we promise we will behave, and if you don't come, we will come to you.

hero of the day:

look of the day:

rock that one piece bitch.

So cheap and juicy.

2007-10-05T22:13:00.000-07:00

Say Goodbye to summer and Hello to Columbus Day.
Yes it is that time of the year again.
It is time for hats and boots.

It is time to vent...
Who the fuck goes to raves..i mean come on!
How white trash can a person get??
I'm embarrassed for people I do not even know.
I hate all of you there and refuse to acknowledge ravers.
Just the word alone is lame.

And since I am on this rant....
People who drink and drive with other people in the car.
I am the first to admit that there have been a few times I drove when it was not the best idea, but never with a friend in the car. Yes, I realize there are other people on the road, but I would never but someone in the car with me.
Do you want to be the one responsible for killing your friend because you are too stupid to call a cab??

I feel a little better but not completely.

So, I know Harper and I do not always talk about ourselves, but it is only because we do not want to make you feel bad about your own lives.
But I am too excited to keep this news a secret...Harper will be in the NYC all this week filming a small part in the major motion picture, now I am not supposed to tell which one, but Miss Bradshaw is looking over her!

and as for myself, if I were you I would keep a close eye on the new W Magazine...

Today is October 5, 2007 and the look of the day is.

being better than everyone else.

xoxo
B.

bring the buckets by the dozens bring your nieces and your cousins come put out the fire on us

2007-10-01T20:24:00.000-07:00

as summer comes to an end. fall is sneaking up on you like an std

the leaves are turning colors and you will try to rock a winter coat in 85 degree weather and have pit stains and you will be the shit.

first, lets have a moment of silence for Brit Spears, she lost custody of her offspring....

k thats enough.

working in retail is equivalent to working for waste management as a trashman, you both shovel shit all day for fun

and ladies and gents just because fall shows are back doesn't mean your summer habits of drinking, making a scene in public, binge eating, throwing up in public and wearing dresses with nothing underneath should stop. keep that shit swinging

accessory of the day:
hip, headbands and bitches

look of the day:
being pale as hell and looking dank, thank you evan rachel wood for being a slut

have a good night and put in your baby one more time cd in honor of britney.

it's bailey and harper bitch

I Thought I Would Care More, But I Guess I Don't

2007-09-30T20:13:00.001-07:00

soooo i was wondering...what is your name? and would you like to get naked with me?

Those will be the words out of my mouth the next time I see him. I saw him with an ugly girl, but that will not stop next me time. Alex M. has nothing on this boy. I will find him and take advantage of him, but until I do, he will only be known as Taco. Taco I heart you.

What's Hot:
casual sex
stalking celebs
being fake
giving blow jobs
forgetting to shower
beer and cupcakes
bags under your eyes because you have been coked out for three days
daisies

What's Not:
virgins
email
ferris wheels
eBay
olive garden's never ending pasta bowl
Wednesdays

I Love You!
B.

Hunger hurts, but starving works, when it costs too much to love

2007-09-25T17:30:00.000-07:00

ahem. be quiet and focus on this.

today was long. not enough caffeine in my day. i need coffee like a cocaine addict if i don't have it i go into convulsions and die.
i had the pleasure of seeing a red head today wearing purple suede boots and i've decided if you don't own a pair of suede boots you are no longer allowed to live.

dirtbags, for winter times you must be wearing some type of leather boot it's time to take after the whores and tuck your pants in a pair of boots, and although you may get some weird looks, at least you know in your heart that you are the only one getting laid tonight.

start smoking, it's good for your heart and social life.

you need a winter coat to go along with this cigarette. preferably one with a loud print that will make everyone want to punch you in the throat.

for once in our lives, nicole richie weighs more than us, and i am savoring every minute of it. and ladies take notes, just because you are pregnant doesn't mean you have to look like a slob. put a scarf on. thanks.

the look of the day:
my type not talking, and flying in the air. i'll take two please

It's time to waste.

2007-09-24T17:57:00.000-07:00

I'm hungry.
But eating would go against my eating disorder.
So I sit here stuck in the predicament about food.
To ear or not to eat.
That is my question.

xox

I'm the definition of, half man, half drugs Ask the clubs, Bad Boy - that's whassup

2007-09-21T19:30:00.000-07:00

hey hey hey.

So summer time is over and you know what that means!!! pants are mandatory. It will no longer be acceptable for you or your mom to leave the house without your pants. You look like a whore and I haven't had the heart to tell you and please stop thinking that leggings are pants. Start thinking of leggings as an extension of your under-garments. I assume you do not walk around in a bra...well you probably do. A short dress with your vagay-gay hanging out is not and will never be OK. Just because you are tall it does not mean you are pretty. perhaps you could use a new chin or even a new nose.

Not Okay:

Today is September 21, 2007 and the look of the day is.

love yourself no matter what.

My Contacts Are Blurry, My Head Is Tired And I Can't Fall Asleep

2007-09-18T18:28:00.000-07:00

Thank you Paul Frank for employing cute boys in striped sweaters. I am sad to say I no longer have time to breath and I have a feeling nothing is going to change any time soon.

I am happy to let everyone know that I am newly single!! I finally found a way to let the boy down easy...just change your number. He acted like dating for a year makes things serious..if a boy only new what a fling was!

My eyes are itching, I think I am allergic to you.

There is this boy and I keep forgetting to tell him that he is ugly.

Today is September 18, 2007 and the look of the day is.

Having sex with this boy...

peace
love

I'll be the one who'll break my heart I'll end it though you started it

2007-09-17T20:50:00.000-07:00

good evening assholes.

i don't know about you, but i'm tired as hell. friends, family, and having job is enough to make me start heavily using meth.

ive decided to only surround myself with people who look like this:

hmm?

obsession of the day: i would seriously go to jail and not even think twice about it

um. tomorrow is day one of our diet and i know you are just as excited as we are except you are most excited. our goal is to be 90 pounds by christmas. cocaine brownies and cigs for all.
for those of you that read this on a daily basis you should comment this shit it's not free.

<3<3

It's not over, not over, not over, not over yet You still want me, don't you

2007-09-13T22:43:00.000-07:00

Dearest Harper,
I am lost without you. Thank you for being the best sister I could ask for. I know you will always look out for me, and shank anyone who tries to mess with your little sister. I feel sorry for everyone who is not us because we are the poop. As our hero Ms. Banks would say "We are the baddest bitches in town."

Likes:
Boys who can make up their fucking minds
v-necks
clean toe nails
high waisted skirts
doctors
fish tanks
dirty hair

Dislikes:
blondes
whores
sixteen year olds
socks
body odor
sweatshirts

Today is September 13, 2007 and the look of the day is.

To Legit To Quit.

xoxxx

Tell your boyfriend next time he's around to buy his own weed and don't wear my shit down

2007-09-12T20:02:00.000-07:00

voice of an angel.

it's back to school time bitches pack your pencil box full of condoms.It's weird cause Harper and Bailey are so smart that we don't need school. I know, stop staring.

this school year is all about not going to class, spending money, getting drunk, not wearing makeup, sleeping on the street, watching porn, eating coldstone, stalking shoester and pooping.

while you assholes are getting a much needed education we will be being fabulous in whatever city we happen to wake up in.

first things first. why does angelina's adopted child have a nicer purse than me?

girls, the fashions for back to school include:
dresses with no underwear
non matching shoes
cheezy jewelry
amy winehouse eyeliner
leggings but no shirt
see through shirts with bras
tube tops
piercings
religious bracelets
not shaving your legs

boys yours is simple, yet effective:
vans
v-necks
tattoos
cardigans
no body hair

simple.

power couple of the hour that no one cares about:

the look of the day; getting pregnant by jett jackson is in season

well. enjoy your fall season and fashions and try not to die from heat stroke.
and if you act a fool brit will shank you in your garage

<3

p.s. oh no you didnt

I Hate White Sunglasses.

2007-09-10T16:48:00.000-07:00

Nobody likes an ass hole in white sunglasses.

Britney your time has experied. Now you should dig a hole climb in and never come out. No one likes you.

Momma Montgomery's words of the week:
Life is short, as long as you use protection...